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Cole Zesiger
Ex's and No's: The Breakup Advice You Don't Want to Hear by Cole Zesiger

New book

Ex's &
No's

The breakup advice you don't want to hear.

★★★★★ 4.9★ on Amazon
· 34 reviews · 20M+ monthly watchers

Whether you're trying to get your ex back or finally move on, this book gives you the honest, no-nonsense roadmap most coaches are too afraid to hand you. Stop spiraling. Start building a life worth living — with or without them.

Get the book on Amazon Read Chapter 1 free

Also available at

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Outside the US? Search "Cole Zesiger" on Amazon to find your local edition.

Sound familiar?

You're not stuck because you're weak. You're stuck because nobody told you the truth.

Most breakup advice tells you to "just move on" or "give it time." It sounds reasonable. It also doesn't work. What actually works is understanding why the patterns keep repeating — and having a real plan to break them.

What's inside

You'll learn how to:

This isn't a feelings journal. It's a step-by-step system rooted in attachment theory and real-world application across thousands of clients.

  1. 01

    Stop the obsessive thoughts that keep you stuck

    Practical techniques to break the mental loop and reclaim your focus.

  2. 02

    Heal your attachment patterns and emotional triggers

    Understand why you react the way you do — and how to rewire it.

  3. 03

    Use no contact the right way

    Not as a game. As a genuine strategy that works whether you want them back or you need to move on.

  4. 04

    Rebuild your confidence and sense of self

    Rebuild from the inside out. Not a performance — a real identity shift.

  5. 05

    Create peace — no matter what your ex decides

    The goal isn't just getting them back. It's building a life so good you're okay either way.

Praise for the book

From the people you'd want vouching for it.

"This has become my go-to resource for clients navigating heartbreak. Cole beautifully combines science, empathy, and actionable tools to help you heal, grow, and avoid the painful mistakes that keep so many stuck. It's not just about getting over your ex (or getting them back) — it's about coming back even better than before and stepping into your best self through the process."
— Morgan Starr-Riestis, LMHC, PATP Licensed Mental Health Counselor
  • "I was blown away by this book. I expected something good — but not something this well-researched, insightful, and genuinely funny. As a couples therapist with more than two decades of experience, I was struck by the depth of Cole's understanding of relationships."
    — Tony Overbay, LMFT Host of The Virtual Couch podcast
  • "Cole Zesiger is the coach you want in your corner after a breakup. He delivers his trademark no-nonsense advice — hard-hitting yet deeply comforting. Like him, you can reclaim your life and come out even better on the other side. A must-read for anyone in the thick of heartbreak."
    — Julie Krafchick & Yue Xu Co-authors of How to Be Dateable · co-hosts of the Dateable podcast
  • "Cole has an amazing way of being pragmatic about heartbreak while still navigating the emotional complexities you may face. If you're lost in the process of a heartbreak, consider using this as a companion on your journey."
    — Jaymen Chang Author · creator of @thebreakupjournalpdf
  • "Cole wrote the book I want to give my personal friends and family members when they go through heartbreak. It's so practical and incredibly useful."
    — Trevor Hansen, LMFT @theartofhealingbytrevor on Instagram

From readers

4.9★ on Amazon. 34 verified reviews.

Real reviewers, real names, verified purchases. A few of the most helpful below.

★★★★★ Verified purchase · Amazon

The book that helped me find myself again

I found Cole through Instagram during a difficult period in my life, and his content quickly became a steady source of clarity and perspective. This book goes even deeper. It's honest, practical, and written in a way that feels like guidance from someone who truly understands what it means to rebuild after a breakup.

What I appreciated most is that the message isn't about quick fixes or empty motivation. It focuses on accountability, emotional growth, and learning to reconnect with yourself. The exercises and reflections helped me process my own separation and shift my mindset from loss to personal growth.

— Mariano Stokle

  • ★★★★★ Verified purchase

    You are not alone

    "I was feeling so empty and confused for too long. I knew I needed to do something but didn't know how to accept this break up of 8 years. This book has not only helped me understand about breakups but I learned so much about myself. Thank you. I highly recommend this book."

    — Laura Harnois

  • ★★★★★ Verified purchase

    Best advice ever

    "I love this book. Cole's storytelling is so authentic. He tells stories I can relate to and his advice is spot on. His writing skills are amazing, so it's easy to read and understand. I'm sure it can help others to get through this very painful time in their life."

    — Shelley Hill

  • ★★★★★ Verified purchase

    Read this now

    "Unbelievably good book and advice from Cole. Literally one of the best relationship books."

    — Grantman240

  • ★★★★★ Verified purchase

    Real-world guidance and practical tips

    "Very grounded down-to-earth practical advice. Bought this for a family member and it has been extremely helpful."

    — Cheryl Petersen

Read all 34 reviews on Amazon

Cole Zesiger

About the author

Coach Cole Zesiger

After my own devastating heartbreak, I became obsessed with understanding why we struggle to let go — and how to truly heal.

I spent years diving into attachment theory, relationship psychology, and the patterns that keep people trapped in cycles of heartbreak. Today, I've helped 2,000+ people rebuild their confidence, heal their attachment wounds, and create the love and peace they deserve.

My full story

Start your healing

Get the book.

The same framework I use with private clients, in your hands today.

Order on Amazon Read Chapter 1 free

Outside the US? Search "Cole Zesiger" on Amazon to find your local edition.